Sleep.

So I have problems sleeping, right now all i can do is think, think, think... I really don't know what is wrong with me. I try to sleep, but i can't. I lie in bed thinking of everything, life, Anna, work, school, money, and tomorrow - today rather.

Life for me right now sucks. I do the same exact routine every week, and there's nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing spontaneous, fun, exciting, absolutely nothing. Sunday i work, monday i go to school, then i go to work directly after, tuesday i go to school all day from 1-9, wednesday i go to school, then i go directly to work, thursday i go to school and have a 3 hour gap inbetween classes in which i catch up on homework due to the lack of time to do it any other time during the week. Friday, oh how i love but hate fridays, fridays are the only day i have off, but it's not like i do anything with my fridays. I pretty much wake up super late, sit around all day and sulk. Saturday, i work. Rinse and repeat this process. My life revolves around me working and going to school. I go to school because i have to, i really don't have a choice, if i don't then i lose my health benefits and my insurance. And since i'm so impatient with everything i do, i bought a car, i have to work, it is a must. If i do not work then i will not be able to pay for my car, and i will step into deep shit. All while my brother gets two free cars from my father, doesn't pay for really anything, and moved back in here and all he does is sit on his ass. While me on the other hand work 30+ hours a week, school fulltime, and still get harassed by my insane mother. My brother doesn't work that much, and only has two fucking classes, he somehow begs my dad for money and my dad gives him the money. Hard mother fucking life for him eh? I came to a realization that my life from here on out will suck immensely. I see no possibilities of it getting "better." I understand now, i understand that this is life, work, school, eat, sleep, and shit. All life is, is starting at a young age you go to school, then after school, you do more school, then after that set school, you do more school and then pick up a job to go along with school. Then you keep that job, and do more school, only to find a new job in which you have been schooling for your whole life. Now you're 25-30 and you've finally finished school for what you've always wanted to do, doctor. Congrats, you have now wasted 25-30 years of your life to become a doctor, to work some more! You lose your whole entire youth to schooling and working, only to work more? So you can provide for the next generation? So you can live at ease when you're 80? What the fuck is up with that. First of all, the generation before us sucked ass because they chose Bush. On top of that they put our economy in the biggest shit hole it's ever been in. Why the fuck do i want to live at ease when i'm 80, there's no point in living when you're 80. Hooray, you can ride around in a fucking wheel chair half dead playing checkers at an old home with a bunch of smelly fuckers. I don't see the point in life at all, it makes no sense to waste my fucking youth only to waste more of my time to live in peace.

Anna, now fuck her. I have no idea what is going on with me, and her. She is a complete and utter.. retard. She said i didn't try hard enough to see her, and that i should embrace life, yadda yadda yadda. She says she's picky, not spoiled. She says that i'm pushing her away. She says that i changed. Well wake the fuck up, guess why i changed? Because you're not picky, you're a spoiled picky brat. I tried to see you and you took that for granted too, like i didn't try hard enough, you spoiled picky brat. I'm pushing you away? Fuck yes i am, i want nothing to do with you anymore, i used to care, i used to want to know how you felt so i could help you. Now, you want to fuck with me? Well guess what, i don't give a fuck anymore, go cry to your ugly ass puppy dog cunt fuck, or your lesbian friend. Lie to me and tell me you're not into talking on the phone, while a few hours before that you are talking on the phone in a 3 way conversation trying to get trung on the phone too? Why not call me? Yeah fuck you. Complain that your life is so miserable because your mom and dad divorced and your dad is hard on you? Cry me a fucking river already, you spoiled picky brat. I'm done in trying to make it work, because in the end it won't, you don't want to put in the effort and i don't want to do all the work. Relationships aren't just one sided. I'm not going to waste my time on some young retard who can't even appreciate my support, love, and gifts. The hell with her, i deserve a mother fucking thank you and i don't get it. She said that she was a goal, and somehow if i got her, then i'm getting away from reality, my shitty life. And it could be true, i could be tring to get away from life, or i could be trying to get her as a goal or achievement in life. But i highly fucking doubt that. Before i actually realized anything, i truely did like her, a lot. But now it all clicked together, and i found out how much life really does suck, and how much she sucks too.

Well, i still can't sleep, and it's 5:00am, i need to get up at 8:00 so i can install my intake on my car. I'm pretty fucking stoked, but i want an exhaust too >.< i need to check my bank account. Good fucking night, i can't stand life anymore, i need a mother fucking girl i can take to the movies and talk to. Good fucking luck.