Realization.

I don't know how, what, where, when and why. Anna has always been an only child, she's always come to me for advice, and i've always been glad to help her. Her problems are very mild, and she's rather dumb about knowing how to deal with them. I suppose that i am her go to guy when it comes to her problems because i actually have the patience for her stupidity. Now i knew a while ago that she acted very selfish, spoiled, and was a some what bitch. But recently i thought she changed, i don't think she changed, the thing that changed was my view of her. She somehow blinded me to make me run around like a retarded chicken with his head cut off. I don't know how this happened but all of a sudden i ignored all of the facts, and only believed in the fallacy. I thought Anna had changed into a new woman when there were no signs of change. The mere fact that she was going to come down here, gave me the red flag saying "Here it is, your one and only chance to have sex with her." I guess somehow this fucked me over, and i thought by some divine power, by being nice to her and buying her a gift i could gain entry into her vagine. So i ignored the fact that she was a spoiled brat, she was needy, whined a lot, well basically your typical 16 year old female only child. She had all of those traits plus some baggage. But all i could think about was "Oh wow, i can actually hang out with her! I can't wait! I should be extra nice to her to make sure she actually wants to hang out with me." Anyways, i think it happened way before that, but i think it only added to the equation. So Anna recieves my gift today and says "WOW... Thank you, spenser! i was speechless. and had a hard time reading your name... wow. you make me feel more guilty." Boy, i was confused, i forgot i sent the package and i didn't know it would arrive so early. But after realizing it, i felt so good inside. She proceeded to say "Thanks a bunch".. "Your gift" after i asked "What" twice... then she found a box of matches, shot Smokey, and proceeded to burn down the trees. After saying, "Oh you're welcome, it was supposed to be a surprise, i hope you like it" she says .. "Yeah. no more smaller sizd available?" I think to myself.. oh fuck it's too damn small! Mind you i've never seen a full body picture of this girl. I ask her if it doesn't fit. "Yeah. haha its like another arm haha." Great dumbshit, you bought a large or something? The size said 12, i didn't know what it ment, shoot! I said.. "Ahhh.. i'm sorry.. you can send it back and i can return it.. this is the reason i kept asking you for a full body picture lol. [This wasn't the reason exactly.. but somewhat, i wanted to know what she freaking looked like.] She said "Hm. Awkwawrd.." me, "What?" "Someone sends a clothing a really big size then its ya lolol. "Well.. oh well.. i tried." her, "Thank you i like teh scarf i thought it was my magazines that came." me, "Well, this is disappointing.. you like the scarf and the coat doesn't fit.. sigh.." And this was pretty much the end of it. I didn't realize it as much when i was talking to her. But looking back at it, and re reading it, talking to my friends about it i realize what a bitch she really is. I'm definitely done with her, i can't believe i was going to drive 6 hours for that. And i'm even more pissed off i wasted 60 bucks + 18 shipping for her. I am just in a state of.. PISSED THE FUCK OFF. Who does that, honestly, yeah thanks for the gift, it sucks ass and doesn't fit me i hope you feel like shit now. I'm totally pissed off right now, and i can't stand how dumb and unaware of people's feeling she is. There really is no excuse for this, i can't understand what was going through her head. It's just so.. RAWR i don't even know. What i do know for sure is i'm not going to see her spring break even if she does come down, and i'm definitely not going to Japan with her. I'm done and over it. It seems immature and childish to change my feelings that quick, and i agree but i just don't know how i got sucked into it. I'm so ticked off at myself, and her that i just want for my life to change dramatically right now. I decided on a bunch of new stuff especially it being the new year. I'm going to train my ass off, eat healthy, and try to save up for a condo. I'm set on these three main things until i accomplish them. I want to meet some new people, engage in the world of romance, hook ups, girls, parties, raves, clubbing, everything. I feel like a new man realizing how dumb i was getting minipulated and doing such irrational stuff. I crush way to hard, and i need to stop putting the pussy on the pedestal get over it, look out for myself and fuck what others think.