No time.

Running out of time to keep this up, i'm just so busy now a days, work school, work school work work school.. My life is getting hectic and i can't control it, I have to work to pay for my car, and i have to school, it's not even questionable. Pretty much life has not changed and i don't know what i want to do with anything anymore. I just don't know... Anna and i will never work because well.. she just doesn't.. want it to work. Not only that, no relationship without physical touch is really hard to do. Michelle .. i have no clue what she's thinking or anything of that sort. Eh, i'm not really feeling it tonight so i'm just going to sum it up by saying my life is boring and stupid.

First Free Friday.

So this week i have started school, and my new work schedule and i've been pretty damn busy. Monday as stated previously i started off swimmingly by missing my first math class. So i went to school tuesday, and it was a little disappointing and boring. Firstly, i went to my English class, the first of the day, and there were no cute girls in it at all. I got let out early and had a ton of time to kill, so i went to the middle of the school where most of the action is and i saw my old friend Zack. I've known him since just about... Third grade and he's changed a lot over the years, he was super quiet and shy during elementary and junior high. Then he moved on into high school and bloomed into a crazy ladies man druggie. Any who, he's a pretty nice fellow and i spent some time catching up with him and then i saw the funniest thing i've seen in a while. There was a man, who looked oh about.. 35-40 possibly. And he was holding a sign, which i do not remember exactly what it said, but it had the word "Hell" in it. Anyways, i proceeded to move near the mob of people yelling at him and wanted to know what this was all about. I get near the crowd and they're definitely talking about God and religion. I ask a guy what they're fighting over and it turns out the retard with the sign is saying that everyone's a satanist. He's saying that God is not eternally merciful and our life right now is his mercy and once we die we go straight to hell. Somehow this guy think's he's amazing and that he himself is a saint so he will go to heaven. Everyone was yelling at him saying that he was crazy, that there was no such saying in the Bible. So it was pretty much a Jesus vs. Jesus battle to the death. He also had security guards hovering around him so no one could get in a clean punch or even get near him for that matter. His wife was there with their baby and a lady stepped in to look at the baby and say hi. Immediately a guard stepped in and pushed the lady away so she couldn't get near the baby, i laughed histerically at this. He somehow thought that this lady was going to bash the shit out of the baby with her water bottle. Now people might be a little angry this guy is on acid and calling everyone satanists, but no one is that fucked up to pound the crap out of a baby with a water bottle.

I moved on to my next class which was Psychology, and the teacher was pretty cool. His jokes were a little stale but still witty and funny. He said one that i laughed very hard at but a lot of others didn't seem to get it all that much. "My dog is blind, and when we take it out for walks i put red tape on his legs so people know he's blind." I found this hilarious which most poeple didn't really get it. I would also like to add that there were no cute girls in my psychology class and it had oh.. about 130 students in there, it's a huge lecture room. It seems like it might be a tough class, but for some reason i'm into psychology a lot and i like to realize my problems, and others problems and talk about it.

From there, i went to a classroom which was right next door into my Reading class. I enter and wait for everyone to arrive as i scope out the classroom. The class is small with about 24 people in it and there's not one good looking female in it either. I'm quite disappointed at another failure of getting cute girls in any of my classes.

The next day, wednesday i arrive to school and get into my math class, it's quite full with a lot of kids in it, and there's a few from school. I take a seat near the front middle of the class, and a good looking hispanic girl sits down in front of me, SCORE! I'm delighted to have someone cute sit in front of me, and i'm definite that math class will be one of my favorites. It's not just because there's actually a few attractive girls in it, it's because the teacher seems pretty cool, and i'm not going to have to try hard at all in the class. About mid way during the class, our teacher tells us to get in groups and says "You know, this is the time to get to know that person who you think is the cutest in the class." That said, the girl immediately infront of me turns around and asks to make a group with her, and i immediately said yes. I probably should've been my normal self and said "No", then replied with a yes sarcasitcally but she caught me off guard because she's very attractive. I invite the guy sitting behind me to join the group and we get to work. She's struggling with math but does a better job in it than me, and i find out she went to sunny hills, and knows two of my friends from la habra. Both of which are good looking guys with pretty good personalities so it's going to be a tough fight to beat that. Anyways, i'm not sure if anything will come of it, and i'm not expecting much, but we shall see in the future.

Today, friday, i meet up with Michelle around 3 and we go out to lunch. Same ol' Michelle, boring, talks about boring stuff in which i don't have interest in, looks cute though. She directs me to a Pho restaraunt and we get a beef pho. As i break my pho virginity, i'm deeply disappointed, i pretty much have heard only great things about pho and this sucked. This makes me dislike Michelle even more because she has such poor taste in food. There is no way in hell i would take someone here, especially because it has a B. Now B's are okay, but come on, it's not hard to get an A. We get done there, and we go to get a crepe at some chinese place. I spot a cute girl inside and immediately think to myself, why couldn't i be with her!? I order my crepe and it's decent, nothing that amazing and once again, disappointed. I take her back home because she has to get to work and give her a hug goodbye, after we hug, she stares at me and i am caught a little off guard. I of course turned away and said by, when i realize a split second later she wanted to kiss. Something is definitely wrong with me, because for some reason i will not randomly kiss a girl unless i know she wants to kiss too. And i want to know that by confirming with her that she wants to as well. It's probably a huge turn off to ask "Okay, do we kiss now?" But i don't want to do anything to brash and force myself on her and regret it later. I for some reason live my life with a lot of regrets and i need to change that. I don't know exactly what is wrong and i don't know exactly how to change it. But what i see is that i have no self confidence and i'm definitely afraid of rejection. I think to much about small things, and i have no confidence to do certain things, like look a girl in the eye if i think she's cute. There's just something really really wrong with me and i need to fix it somehow. I get home and fall asleep then go hang out with greg and brandon for a little while. Brandon takes off to a party hosted by my first actual girlfriend and i decline to go. Greg and i roam around a bit and look for this drink called Vault, supposively from what Brandon said, it's Surge reincarnated. Now you might not know what Surge is, but it's the most amazing soda ever made, and they discontinued it in 2002, and they only had it at Chuck-e-Cheese. So needless to say, i missed it a lot. We went to five 7-11's, albertsons, and a CVS. CVS was our final destination and we find it there and rejoice! I try it, and it's delicious, but it's not Surge, it's a little more citrus'y than Surge. I get home and talk a bit to Anna, and i become depressed because i want her so badly, but i can't have her and she won't even throw me a rope. She doesn't express her emotions about me to me, so i am just guessing she thinks of me as a friend and only a friend. All the while, i'm over here having my heart torn up still because i can't help but have fallen for her. I try to ignore it and just give up on it, but it's hard to let go. Hopefully i can meet someone new to have a good time with to make me forget about her. Good night.

Busy.

Well, i've been pretty busy seeing as how i haven't posted in a few days, let me sum them up for you. Saturday, i went to work, sunday, i went to work, monday, earlier today, i missed school because i'm very well educated and smart and set my alarm clock to 11:00 PM.. Yeah, so i woke up around 1:50~ and i got ready and left for work around 3. I sent an email to my teacher telling him i got a flat tire on the freeway and missed my class because i didn't have a spare, blah blah. Work was... blegh, not to great. I work from 4-10, not very many hours, but it pays. So i ended up staying there til 12:30~ and i just got home. The drive to LA is not that great, nor is the drive home. There was a crazy hobo beaner who jumped out at me in the middle of the street and i had to swerve out of the way. Ah good ole' LA retarded hobos! Anyways, i missed my first day of school.. kinda need to kick it into gear, so i'm going to leave it short. Oh, and i'm somehow going to go to Disneyland with Kathy? I forgot what i named her. Anyways, that should be draining... a whole day alone with a girl i don't really have an interest in. Dream on.

LA.

So, today was my first day working out of the LA office for Krypt.com. What a different work space, and atmosphere. I learned more than i ever have at the LA office than i have at the Orange office. The first day was just getting a little settled in then they put me straight to work, and showed me how to make a SAN, set up a switch, and so much more. I like it a lot at LA except for the fact that LA as a "city" sucks ass. Firstly, it takes me a bit longer to get to LA than to Orange, and Orange is a nicer city, with less... Hobos and crack fucks. LA has a lot of one way streets, with retarded monkeys who can't drive worth shit. And i have to PAY for my parking which is pretty much about 1hour of my work. Not to mention tonight i had to pay $12 bucks instead of $7 to some dip fuck beaner who wasn't even at his job. This mother fucker posted a sign "Be back in 10 minutes." And i was sitting there for 20. He comes back and says sorry, i have my $7 dollars and my ticket, hand it to him and he looks at the time i got in. 2:47pm. He says "It's actually going to be $12 dollars instead of $7." I am like "What the fucking hell, it says $7 all day." He points to the sign and says "Yeah only til 12am." I'm fucking pissed, "YOU'RE KIDDING ME?! I was waiting here for fucking 20 minutes you retarded dip fuck cunt nigger bean, and you want to penalize me for your absense at YOUR job? No fucking way." He wouldn't let me go unless i paid him the $12 dollars so i buckled down and paid. I got home around 1:00am~ and went to pick up george and get to the gym, we catch up on things. And then we hit the del taco, oh it's greatness. Yeah it would make sense to work out, and then put a bunch of fat shit in you to make it worthless? Right? As i walk in the house, my phone vibrates, i figure it's Greg and he left something in my car. So i set my food down and look at it, and who is it? Michelle, yep that's right Michelle. Now prior to this text, she talked to me earlier in the evening and said she was at UCR and she was going to find a ride home tomorrow, i said good luck and she never said anything back. Her message said "Yesh I fucked szs." Now, i'm no jeanuz, but i'm almost positive Yesh, and szs are not real words of the english alphabet. So i replied "You fucked szs? Had a bit to drink did we?" And i got no reply, i figured she might not be drunk enough to notice she sent the wrong text to the wrong person. Anywho, i have to figure out some shit for my sister so she doesn't epic fail for her class tomorrow. Good night, or morning.

What should I do.

Hmmm, I'm trying to think what I should do in my current situation. Michelle talked to me today, and i feel like she finally opened up to me a little bit. Her life at home is pretty strict seeing as her dad doesn't let her go out late at night, and nor does she get to drive her car to many places. Her dad paid some money to get surgery on their dog, and bought a nice ring for his girlfriend. Michelle's car is in crappy shape from what she's said, the engine is in bad condition, when it hits 65 it starts losing stability, and the power steering is leaking. For some reason he won't put up any money to help fix her car, or help her in giving her her cousin's email / phone number.

My words get pretty jumbled up when i talk to her, and i'm not that witty or funny when i do talk to her either. But she definitely does not want any type of relationship at all right now, but i don't know how she feels about a hook up buddy. Maybe she'd want that, and maybe she wouldn't, but it would be awesome if she chose me as that hook up buddy if she did indeed want one. I think, physically she's got a great body. Her face is.. semi cute, overall i give her a 6. Her stomach is very tight, she's small, has decently sized breasts, but her neck is weird. The neck is a little short, and her left eye is a little smaller than the right. I could look past these things seeing as how her body is in amazing shape. I think i'm going to keep talking to her, to see what she really wants and then just finally ask her if she wants to fuck when / if i know it's right. I don't really mind losing my virginity to her because i think she's a cool girl. Definitely not girlfriend material, but cool enough for me to respect her at least. I do care about who i lose my virginity to, and i don't want it to be a one night stand. But it's not so big as to she has to be the right one, or wait til marriage. I'm not religious at all, and i actually despise most religion.

Today has been pretty boring, and this is the last week of my winter break, also the last week of my work schedule. Hopefully it will change and i can get one weekend off to do some partying / hanging out. Or maybe i can finally meet a girl at school and build up enough courage to ask her out and get denied. Tomorrow, ergh, rather today, i start work at LAX because i might be working there a few days out of the week. I might pursue this job as my career and get Cisco Certified and all of that mumbo jumbo, because it fits me. I like sitting on my ass all day working with computer type stuff. Now i do not have a "passion" or "love" for this stuff, but it's better than working my ass off for minimum wage. If i can make 100,000 - 300,000 a year, i will be a happy mother fucker, and if i get older, make even more than that if i play my cards right i can provide for not only myself, but my future family. Now i think i have my head screwed on tight, and i really am looking somewhat into my future. Right now i spend my money on my car payments, food, and extra parts for my car. But hopefully once i'm done fixing up my car, i can start saving money to move out and buy a condo.

The resolution.

So i've thought about it, long and hard [that's what she said]. Any who, I went totally off the wall, and i was saying things out of my ass when i talked to Anna about her present. I felt a little bad, and i sent her a lengthy apology letter via the good ole' myspace. Now now, i know what you might be thinking "DUMBASS!" yes, you're right i am, but for some god awful reason she doesn't like phone calls, and it was to long for a text. Beth and Trevor talk every night right before they go to bed, either call or text, and i never got that from Anna. I am / was so jealous of them and his girl actually showing that she cared for him and liked him. I used that to fuel my rage against Anna, i just want her to.. like me, but i guess that's to much to ask for. I just apologized, but i feel like i'm still giving up on trying to make her happy because i get nothing in return. I just wish she lived closer, like maybe 2 hours away or 3, that way i could actually see her without my parents thinking "Where the FUCK is donnie darko?" Well, we shall see the outcome soon.

In other news, i think i have problems sleeping because i go to sleep at about 6-8 in the morning. I don't know why, or what's wrong with me, but yeah i need lunesta. I got free tickets to the Ducks game last night. Wesley's boss gave him two free tickets which was awesome. I got seats 5th row from the ice rather slow game, but i loved it none the less. Afterwards, i met up with Greg and Brandon. We drove to Kevin's dorm room, and it was a big bust, we wanted to watch Donnie Darko since we haven't seen it in a long time. Inside Kevin's raunchy room were 3 of his frat brothers, one of whom i met. I don't remember any of their names at all, but they seemed normal. Minus the weird black kid who when watching two and a half men said "Has that ever happened to you?! HAHAHA!" when Rose was stalking Charlie. "What?" .. "When girls are stalking you like that, it happens to me all the time, not like that, but stalk me, it sucks." This was a rather weird statement and made me think differently about the young retard in the corner. Anyways, we decided to leave the dorm and head on over to In n Out. On our way to In n Out we were listening to love line. The second and last question we heard on love line was "My girlfriend wants me to piss in her mouth." Everyone went nuts in the car, because well, we're weird as fuck. Ah, the amazing In n Out goodness, we were there for a while, and Brandon brought up the odd little thought of his. "Have you ever thought about your mother kissing you after giving your dad a blow job?" Yes brandon, i have. This is what this guy thinks about, a guy who gets 4.0's and got a scholarship into some random private school in Iowa. We leave to go back to Kevin's dorm, and his fratards are gone, and his smelly emotastic roomate is in there. We decide to leave Kevin's dorm to find another place to watch Donnie Darko, and we end up sitting in his hall watching it til 3 in the morning. Donnie Darko is just plain amazing, the theory's behind it, great imagination, weird plot twist, the actors. Everything in that movie was great. That ended my night, except for the fact, i stayed up till 6 in the morning again.

It's too late... Apology not accepted.

Well well well, i've been talking for quite some time, i wonder if i'll be the same in a year. Or i wonder if i'll even keep writing in say... two months? Who knows, i sure as hell don't.

What i do know is that i am definitely over Anna. She apologized to me today, but what she didn't realize is that she used Trevor's exact words to apologze to me. I knew she was full of shit, and she didn't even realize what she did wrong. What she thought is, oh i didn't say it right, so i should probably tell him what he wants to hear now. Yeah that's exactly what i don't want to hear, i don't need you to lie to me to make me feel better. She thinks that somehow she can make it better by not putting feelings behind her apology and just saying what she thinks i want to hear. I don't understand her at all, most girls i kind of understand, but this one... This one i can't. She can't just come waltzing back in thinking everything will be hunky doory when she apologizes. I was hurt, and hurt bad, i put it all on the line and she just stomped the yard on it. I don't know if i even want her to come down to LA or go with me to Japan, i'm thinking most likely no. I pretty much told her she was a spoiled bitch, and how i can't please her, so why should i even try to do shit for her anymore. I'm over getting fucked in the face every time i try to open myself to her, when she just completely shuts down and ignores my feelings.

Well any who... I helped save what happened between Trevor and Beth. Basically someone asked Trevor if him and Beth were together, and he said yes, she said no, we're "talking" Hell if i know what "talking" means. But anyways, Beth came to me, first time, and asked for my opinion on if i would get sad/mad/angry if that happened to me. I pretty much just opened up her mind to a new reality she never understood and i guess i understand girls better now. They're a rather dumb sex, she thought that somehow Trung was supposed to know exactly what she was thinking without ever asking him about it, or consulting him about it. I just realized how girls don't always play mind games with you on purpose, they do it on accident because they're so god damn dumb.

I spoke to my co-woker/manager about my job. What had happened was, i talked to my uncle, and he kind of suggested i tried to get a job at costco. I was set on applying and trying to get it, but i have decided that i am going to stay in the field of Computer Networking. Hopefully Greg can get a job there, we can save up some money, and move into a Condo. We shall see what the future brings us.

Oh how i wish i could find the girl of my dreams.