The turn around.

So after much thought and discussion about this long distance relationship i have finally come to a conclusion. I will not pursue anything and not expect anything with or from Anna. I realize how everything just went to my head how excited i got when she said she wanted to go with me to Japan, and how she loved my personality. But in the end i got my head turned on straight by my great friend Greg. Friends aren't there to say "Hey yeah, that's a good idea, you should definitely do that." Especially when it's a bad idea. They're there to give you another perspective, even if you hate them for it take it, suck it up, look at it, and accept it. The good friends are usually right about most decisions you make, and the bad friends usually don't listen or care what you have to say and would rather just agree with you. I appreciate having a great friend like Greg around to keep me in check.

On that note, i went to Kevin's dorm again and met his frat brother, nice guy only spent an hour there because i decided the gym was a better idea than sitting around smoking hookah. I would really like to improve my looks by hitting the gym as much as possible all while eating healthy. The problem is Greg and i both do not have the discipline to eat healthy. The working out part is the easiest, changing our eating habbits because we enjoy food so much is the hard part.

Another girl - friend of mine has been talking to me here and there recently, and i think i might plan on pursuing that as a.. hook up buddy. Lets get some backround on her shall we? I met her freshman year at my friends birthday party, probably the only all asian birthday party i've ever been to. Most of the guys there were lame nerds likewise with the birthday boy. Although he had met a girl at his new school (he left his old one because he got his ass beat by some bully, i thought it only happened in movies). But anyways, he had met this girl named... Michelle. Michelle is full japanese like me, short about 4'10'' i don't know small, 90 pounds? She's actually quite cute and i thought she was. But the birthday boy had mentioned earlier that she was his girlfriend so i automatically figured that she wasn't up for grabs and i didn't attempt anything. We never talked at all after that until about.. two years ago. Right before i started talking to Anna during the summer. So immediately we kind of hit it off, we poked jokes, i messed up and said that i liked her when i thought she said she liked me. We both didn't drive, i know sad two seniors in high school not driving, so it was hard. But we decided to meet up and i was pretty nervous. We walked around a bit and hit it off pretty good i was my usual self, sarcastic, witty, obnoxious, egotistically sarcastic, but still i was a gentleman and paid for everything. I didn't make a move mainly because i'm a little shy, and i don't want to be to rash move in on her and her not want the same thing mutually. I can say i was quite bad at this relationship thing and we weren't connecting as well as i wanted to mainly because she won't open up to me. So we started dating a little bit more, never classified anything as bf gf deal which i didn't care. But it died out and we still talked a bit, so i asked her to prom. Prom night.. well to be honest i didn't have a big group of friends in high school, the friends i did have didn't go to prom so it was awkward. We talked a bit, she was boring, and once we hit that dance floor, i loved every minute of it. We then proceeded to an after party which was super lame and i just sat there. We didn't talk to much, and she drank a little. In the end she needed to go home soon so i called my dad to pick us up. (Bust i know right?! My dad driving us around for prom? What a loser!) after prom, it died period. I tried to get things flowing again but she flakes way way way to much. I despise and hate her for that. I try maybe to hard to make it work, and i just waste my time and effort for her to make up some lame excuse like "Oh my mom isn't home so she can't take me... I'm with my dad at the store i can't go" Just really lame excuses i can tell are lies. Everytime, she'll say she's free one day, and on that day she'll cancel on me. So alas i gave up and i dislike her a lot. Up until recently she started to talk to me a bit more, small talk, oh boy could we not pass the small talk. Nothing could break the ice and get over the small talk with her that's all it was small talk small talk small talk. But just tonight, rather last night, she showed me a picture of her at EDC and i literally jizzed my pants. She looked very very sexy. Her shirt was hiked up, and her abs were showing, everything just looked magnificent. And might i add, she's not the best looking, just cute like every japanese girl, cute. I'd rate her a good 6 after viewing the photo. And now, all i want to do is hook up with her and actually i wouldn't mind having sex with her. I feel she's not a big enough stranger for me to feel like i'm doing some randy. But i feel like if i have sex with her and we understand that the sex is mutual, good fun then we can have something. So i am attempting to see how i can work this plan out. Slowly but surely i want to start taking everything to the next level, from first to home base.

Boring night.

So today was an epic fail and i decided to go hang out with Kevin tonight. I called up Greg but he was at the driving range so i went without. The girl, we'll name her.. Anna came home and said hi on aim just as i was about to walk out the door. I told her what was on my mind and what happened and i really didn't get anything out of it. She didn't tell me how she really felt, and she didn't seem "excited" that i actually tried to meet her. I guess this just isn't ment to be and i should just move on. I believe i will try to join my brother's frat to meet some new people and live life a little bit. I don't get out much, and i don't socialize much so maybe this frat thing will do me some good. I am in desperate need of change in my life seeing as how i work almost full time, go to school full time, and never have free time for myself and or dating.

So we drove to Kevin's abandoned dorm room and watched some south park, smoked some hookah, talked a bit. Anyways, i brought up the drive to San Jose with Kevin, and he said he'd be down. But i don't think he really wants to go, especially anytime soon. I mean.. it makes sense, why would he want to drive down if he's only going to hang out with some dudes and a few chicks. I mostly want to go to find out if this girl is actually worth my trouble and time. I guess i will just leave it at that, not try anymore because it's just not worth the effort she doesn't even really give a damn. Ah.. as usual i try so hard, but yet fall and eat shit even harder. I should probably try to learn from this lesson and stop getting attached to girls so easily, stupid me.

UPS.

So after i took a nap today i went to the UPS store and bought some L&L. I think i am a little bit on the fence about this whole deal. I don't know what i was thinking driving 6 hours to meet a girl who hasn't even expressed her likings for me. I think i might be going crazy, or something's definitely wrong with my brain. It might not be functioning correctly, i'm acting like a desperate 40 year old looking for love. I sent away my present to her today and they said it will arrive fri-mon so hopefully sometime during the weekend that way she'll be home to receive it personally rather than her dad getting it. Well.. i think i'm just about ready to give up any chance of us being closer than we are simply because 400 miles can do that to people. It's hard liking someone this much and not being able to have any type of contact with them for this long. And i don't believe i want to try to make it work when that in the end will just ruin what we do have. So i believe it is time to give up, pack my things, join the band wagon, and move on. I hope she enjoys her gift.

Saddened.

So i wake up and decide to text my friend to see how everything was going. They're at Denny's eating right now, all having a great time, and i'm suck at home like a retarded loser. I deeply regret not being able to go, but hey parents are there to make sure you're "safe" but i should've ignored it and just gone. Deeply saddened.

Angerfied.

So today, meaning Monday... I should've been well on my way to San Jose now. But instead I'm sitting at home creating a blog in which i intend to pour out my rediculously stupid heart out onto. I have a journal, but i don't feel like writing and this is much easier, faster, and i can actually read this. Well then.. where should we start? I met her about a year an a half ago and never really had an interest in her. Thought she was cute but had a rather crappy attitude in my opinion. I kept talking to her and got closer and closer, and i found out she's probably one of the coolest people i know. She's not... unique in the way she thinks or anything, it's just the way she acts. I have never really met a girl like her, well nor have i met this young lady either. Just recently about a few months ago i started to actually realize, "Hey, i like this girl." And that was a terrible decision on my end falling for someone who lives a good 6-8 hours away from me. I don't know how or why i would fall for someone that far away and someone that really i don't think is right for me, but i did. So i've known her for a while and we've never met, and i'm pretty sure she'd like to meet me, likewise on my end. During christmas time, about a week or two ago she should've been down here in LA but instead she went to Hawaii for christmas. Her parents are split up and she went to her fathers side instead, which devestated me. I was so happy and excited to finally meet her after talking to her for almost 2 years. Now mind you, i'm not into long distance relationships because they don't work at all, and i almost do not know what this girl looks like. Every picture i've ever seen of her have been angled so oddly that half of her face is always not in the picture or she's turned to the side. Looks have no matter to me to be honest because i love her personality so much. So back to her being in hawaii. After i heard news of her coming to LA i immediately went to the mall and bought her a nice cute coat / peacoat [is that how you spell it?] from H&M one of her favorite stores. I was so excited i had it all planned out, i was going to give her some coal and say merry christmas, then make her look under my car seat to find a present awaiting. But this of course did not happen. So after she said she was going to hawaii instead, i decided my plan of attack would be to just send the gift to her via FedEx. I thought about that for a week or two and decided that i would just drive up there and give it to her personally. Surprise her, you know? I got her address and was ready to drive there when i asked my dad if i could drive up there he asked "Alone?" and i replied with a "No, my friend is coming" So he agreed to it. There was no "friend" coming with me. So i was definitely set on going and by saturday i had printed out the directions, made plans with some friends that live near her, and was going to be on my way by about 12:00am - 2:00am Monday morning and arrive around 10:00am - 12:00pm depending on my stops and such. But while i was at work, my dad just happened to stop by my friends house to drop off late christmas presents. And of course he starts talking to the parents and they never even heard of their son thinking of going to San Jose. Automatically i figured, oh i'm so screwed there's no way i'm going now. Mainly because i could only go if my friend drove part of the way so we could switch off and on driving, 6-8 hours driving is a long time. But i was set on doing it alone even without a friend, i know it sounds so lame and desperate but i really do somehow like this girl that much. So i decide to call another friend up and see if he can go or even wants to go with me. I wake him up from his nap and he says "Okay, i'll ask my parents." I knew for sure that he wasn't thinking right because 6 hours.. plus he's going to be a third wheel, on top of that the friends i'm meeting with don't even know him, awkward? So he calls me back and tries to talk me out of it, but i refuse to step down. The whole time i'm thinking in the back of my head all of the Cons he listed, and to be honest they greatly outwieghed the Pros of the situation. So i think about it good long and hard, that's what she said. And i decide i'll figure out if i'm going or not depending on what my dad will say when i get home. Ding, it's 12:00am and i'm off of work and i'm driving home. My friend calls me up and asks if i would like to hang out with them and i reply with "I'll see, i'm going home right now to change, let me call you when i get home." I arrive at home and my father is asleep and has said nothing about San Jose to my little sister. I step into my room and find a note on the desk saying.. "Since your friend isn't going with you, there is no way that you are driving to San Jose by yourself. Also, you are going to meet someone that you met on the internet is a little bit weird. Please wake me up when you get home if you want to talk about it. We love you and we don't want anything bad to happen to you. Thanks, love Everyone." Everyone of course is just my father but i guess on behalf of the family he's taking place of everyone. So i figure out how against this my dad is and i instantly think "Oh wow, i'm never ever going to meet her am i.." And i decide to give up on it all together, send her her present and forget about it.

So instead of leaving for San Jose, i leave for Newport Beach where one of my friends home from college lives, and the other friends of mine are meeting up at. I arrive at the destination, good ole' Del Taco and greet all of my friends. The two whom i mentioned previously, firstly the one who i said was coming with me to San Jose, lets call him.. Kevin. The second whom i called to see if he would like to come with me, lets call him.. Greg. Are both there and i say hi, and let them know that i'm definitely not going to San Jose. Greg is relieved because he is the one who was against it and tried to talk me out of it. Kevin knows a little more about the situation and doesn't really say much -He's higher than a kite. I meet three other friends who are already seated with Greg and Kevin, lets call them.. Brandon, Frank, and Wesley. Brandon and Kevin are stoned out of their minds, i can tell. The first thing i notice about them both is their blood shot eyes half open, and some cheese hanging from Brandon's lip. They both look like they're retarded and from another world, i laugh at them. After leaving Del Taco, our plan was to decorate the town with some white christmas spirit. We arrived at the CVS and bought 54 rolls of toilet paper. We drive around a bit and scope out the town, do a few houses and somehow we arrive at a park. We have about ... 15-20 rolls left or so and decide to decorate the biggest tree in the park. I tell everyone "If a car comes by run that way." as i point to the other side of the park, because i did not want anyone to run straight back to my car because we would be running infront of the cars passing. Someone see's a car coming from the North side, and it was a false alarm. Then as soon as everyone says it's safe, another car comes from the opposite direction and we run to where i said to go. We get about half way and i see the lights of the car approaching and we yell "DUCK" everyone ducks and we see the car clear as day light, it just so happens to be a pig. The moment we see it pass, we run like kenyans after a hamburger. I make sure everyone is with us and we take an alley down to another street to make a circle to our car. We arrive at our car unscaved and the cops have no idea who did it and did not catch us. Mission complete.